With an Amen stuck in my throat…

The food was hard to swallow and I was chocking, maybe it was God punishing me for not finishing my prayer.  It was an even harder task to look at him and so I gave him the fake smiles which I had perfected in my mirror that morning  .   There was silence and a series of glances from me and a consistent flow of stares from him. He must have felt good for this deed but if he only knew the amount of curses generating in mind . He had called asking to make it up to me . What was IT, did he understand what he had done? How could he compress all these unpleasant deeds to IT? I had accepted his invitation because I needed to look at his worked up face. We sat there feeling awkward like two girlfriends who had had a recent cat fight and had now met just to look “classy”

Not a devil,nor an angel nay a man. In the midst of the sweet and savory pleasure in my taste buds I looked at him. He looked like he was chocking on something but it was not the food, it was an apology.  I just picked my phone and pretended to text until he pulled out big gift bag and handed it to me. He was surprised to see  that my face had not yet changed, the bubbly Deizie did not show up. Silence. Then I offered to leave. He offered to drive me home and I could not refuse besides, I was enjoying the fact that the gold was right there but he could not touch.

We got to my place and I opened the door to leave without looking behind then he shouted’ “What do you want!!”I smiled at him and for a moment I wished I had something to swing at his face. I turned to continue walking but in my head I said “You little lucky twit”. “I left her!” he continued. I gave the first complete sentence at that time, “Why didn’t you do that at first before I found out. You were just waiting for me to find out and to see what I could do. Would you have left her if I did not find out?.

I turned and this time walked away whipping my hips in the air . Until he found something more than the materials to make it up and until he learnt to love himself…to know what he wanted in his life, I would drown myself in rum and miss him.

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