The Know It All

This is the regular club goer. She knows her drinks and knows all the DJs playing. The club is her Queendom. Also known as the “recruiter”, she is always bringing in first timers to the club to show them the night life. When everybody is sloppy drunk and staggering all over the place, she is the one who knows how to hold her drink down so she would guide the rest of the girls around. She can be the pimp.

The Broke Girl

bed eyeMany men love them because they are entertaining social butterflies. They live by the motto, “Look like money when you go to social places in order to find money” but most of them end up looking like a hot mess (Never combine Love and Hip Hop with YouTube tutorials as sources of advice).  They wear too much make up in the club so if you take a selfie with them, do not use the  flash, if you do, you will be shocked by the results. They haveedges over exaggerated hair edges, or those weaves that come with very long edges ( you are supposed to trim them), creepy long, curved stiletto nails and common looking heels or those sandals that everybody has, you know them?. They sit on a corner looking at other girls badly, holding one drink all night. They  Shoki to every song genre played or do those hand gestures  (come on we all know the hand gestures people do when  music plays) and when they see a man who can pay the bills, they twerk like their lives depend on it, even do the W.

The Saint

Either her first time to come to the club or the one who always comes to the club but does not drink. She is the one seated alone with a table full of drinks, a pile of phones in front of her and a pile of jackets beside her. Some of the saints start to act funny when the rest of the crowd is drunk. By acting funny I mean they pretend to be higher than everybody else; they jump the most, dance the most shout the most and  misbehave the most.

Horny Molly

This one decides to express all her sexual desires on the dance floor. Many guys avoid her because she is way too easy, they think that she is spreading something.  She is everywhere. You will find her grinding with a different guy at every corner of the club or making out with a girl or trying to approach a man somewhere. She cannot stay a night without fighting with another girl because she does not respect boundaries.

The Choreographer

michael jackson

She has watched too much Step Up and those dance movies. Music is her drug. You will find her trying to bust those Matt Stephanina moves on the crowded  floor, she ends up hitting  people by mistake. When she is dancing with a man whose drunk they end up looking like clowns because she tries to calculate steps while the man just wants to step anywhere and shake his body. On a good night, when she gets a man who can follow her steps will never forgets that night.

The Accountant

She is quite good with her addition and division because she always volunteers to count how much each person pays. Mostly it is because she is broke or she has money and she is paranoid that she will be exploited

The Loyal Wife

When the girls choose to go out without the men she will shamelessly walk in holding her man’s hand.  The man will either pay the whole bill, pay her part of the bill or sit there and wait to drink from the girl’s bill. She is that girl in the club who is always sitting next to a man looking at other girls with a side eye that either communicates; “I wish I was free like you” or “OMG why are they doing that, they are so ratchet”. She is the one who sits quietly next to a man who keeps on serving her a little alcohol with a lot of water on the side.

The Feminist

She is willing to fight anyone for her girls. She is like the bodyguard, she gets hurt most of the time.

The Diva

She thinks that she is the club’s celebrity. She suppresses the ratchetness. Shdivae excuses herself from her girls so many times if her girls are ratchet. She does not have loyalty in her unless you are neat and classy. She hovers around the table that has big spenders like a hawk hinting at the guys but cannot walk up to them because she thinks that it is low. You will find her sitting down with her drink judging people’s behavior in the club, judging the girl who does the W. When she gets tipsy, she becomes a wild animal.

Phone User

Lol I had the craziest experience with this lot. I went for a party obviously with loud music playing  and found someone, a girl, on her headphones listening to music and it was not even a silent party. She was actually dancing to it.

Most phone users are always on their phones trying to take the best snaps and they also do that hand thing that y’all do in cars while snap chatting with music on. What the broke lot does.

They can be the most annoying when they think that they are famous  for their many Instagram followers. They will always ask you to take pictures of them while you want to have your fan or always want you to stop and take selfies.

They will post your most embarrassing picture on social media. sloppy

The misplaced one

She tries to find love at the club. She has watched too many movies and listened to too much Ne-yo. She talks too much and always ends up leaving with the wrong guy who never calls back.

Miss Independent

They party in a group and they always buy their own drinks. They dance in a crowd and have no time for you. When you talk to them, you better say what you want really fast before she jumps into conclusions  and leaves you standing there mumbling.




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